May 31st used to be a day we looked back on with the best memories, huge smiles and laughs and spent the day looking through photos just to relive the pure happiness that filled our souls. We loved showing our kids our wedding photos, that used to be displayed all over our house, and going through every moment of “our” weekend. I can still feel the excitement of the week leading up to our wedding and how happy we were. I remember driving to Baltimore that Tuesday and thinking, “Aunt Kathy & Uncle Brian, and Aunt Sue & Uncle Jim are all coming to town today. FOR OUR WEDDING!!” I never imagined I could be that happy and I’ve always loved reliving our day with our kids.
The road to our wedding wasn’t a straight or easy one, but it was ours and it was what made us “us”. Every obstacle we hit, we’d adjust, learn from, and overcome it. Some obstacles took a little longer to overcome, but we always came out stronger than before because we were each other’s person and wanted the best for the other one. We accepted each other’s strengths and weaknesses, supported each other to get over certain flaws and we were unstoppable. At least, I thought we were. When the background noise was ignored, we were unstoppable.
Yesterday was our seventeenth anniversary and the second year we weren’t together on our anniversary. It was the second year I didn’t want to acknowledge the day, look at photos, or talk about our wedding. I recently took down all of our family photos because, as of the Fall of 2023, we haven’t been a family. The kids and I tried so hard to get us back to where we used to be, but there are only so many hundreds of times our hearts can be broken before I permanently put my foot down and not tolerate it any longer.
I thought we were going to be one of the ones who made it because we both wanted such different things from our own childhoods and upbringings, and we were so excited to build “our” life together. Then the background noise and influence was allowed in and “our life” turned into “their life” and we were just on autopilot based on what they wanted. If I didn’t follow the rules or fall in line, all hell would break loose…which is now the new life for the kids and me.
The Fall of 2023 started to break us. Vegas. Changing medication, unbeknownst to me. Lies about me and my health. “Poor me” stories to your parents. Then January 15, 2024 came and officially ruined our family and future. The lies, betrayal, gaslighting, abuse (emotional, physical, sexual), abandonment, and so much more. Even with all of that, I stood by your side and fought like hell to get you back on track and get our family back. I even wrote on a memo pad at Magothy, the day after you chased me and beat on the glass windows at the restaurant in Kenilworth, “going to the hospital and getting healthy is a pathway back home.” And I stood by my word, as I always have. And you betrayed us again. Then we gave you another chance just for you to betray us again. We have lost so much. We’ve lost you and our future as a family. You ruined the very close relationships the kids and I had with your parents, brother and his family, Lo, and everyone else. You single-handedly ruined it all with your lies, gaslighting, and refusal to get well. You continue to play the blame game and think all of this is a game. You just want to get home. That is your goal and you won’t stop until that happens. Once you’re home, you stop trying because you got what you wanted and feel entitled to be there. Well, we’ve given you two solid chances and you ruined them.
You’ve ruined A&R’s faith and trust in men. Luckily, K&B are too young to understand the immense loss we’ve experienced and are just happy seeing “Disney Dad” for shopping sprees at Target, swimming, Chuck-E-Cheese, etc. I’m grateful for the male influences the kids have on my side and with the fathers of friends to make up for the lack of it on your entire side.
Yesterday’s text with the photo from our wedding then the text twenty minutes later “asking” to go to the Orioles game put our relationship and journey in perspective. You’re going to make a lame attempt to be nice, then do what you want. It’s how you’ve always been.
I’m going to end this here. This was a reading we had at our wedding. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”.
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
I have always loved you and will always love you. You’ve given me the four greatest gifts in my life.
Changing our Narrative 